I miss my friend today more than usual.  I miss her sarcastic humor, and her smile that lit up a room.  I miss the way she could heal your pain.  Her pain was too great to be healed but she never let that stop her from doing the the things she wanted to do.  Miss you Cindy, especially today.

The greatest lie: How are you?

I love this question.  I find it amusing since it makes me lie.  Right now, I'm in pain, and on prednisone.  However, whenever I don't feel well, I will answer with the expected answer of "fine."  When I feel good, that question is so much fun for me.  Below are answers that I given or would love to give.  I've separated the two so you can see the challenge of some of them.  Maybe, you want to try it.  You might find the other person smiling or even laughing.

How are you?  I'm going blind, how are you?  Yes, I did say that to my neighbor who felt very uncomfortable talking to me for over a year.  I guess I was too honest.

How are you?   I'm awesome, life couldn't get any better now that I've talked to you

How are you?  I'm really hungry, can you get me some food, and while your at it, stop at Starbucks?

How are you officer (me to the cop)?  Fine says the officerr.  Do you know you where riding the median strip? I say is that what that noise was?  I was worried it was my car.

How are you?  I'm doing really well.  I was just released from the mental hospital and don't have to go back until next week.

How are you?  I am fantabulous.

How are you?  I had a rough day.  Do you want to hear about it?

How are you?  I'm really tired and need a nap.  Can I come over, have dinner and take a nap?

The attack of the killer bees..not really.

I walked my dogs over to my friend's house to use her big fenced in yard. I get into her backyard, and the dogs start running around for a few minutes and then they were ready to go home. In the meantime, I stepped on a bee's nest. These were some really pissed off Yellow Jackets (A/K/A The Bastards) who stung me in and around my right ear, I would rather have a buzz from a few beers than having a loud buzz in my ear. Just so you know, pulling a bee out of your ear is no easy task.   My hair wasn't going to be their surrogate new home either so they stung my scalp, stung me a few more times and attacked my dogs. I fell over Daisy trying to save the dogs from The Bastards. Poor Penny's eye lid is swollen, and Daisy decided to eat the little Bastards. All this caused me to buy children's Benadryl for the dogs. Mental note: Dogs don't like cherry Benedryl liquid. I, on the other hand, after the first 5 shots of Benedryl, it doesn't taste like cherry at all but after the 2nd shot, it didn't matter.    I also don't recommend putting ice in your ear.  You will end up with swimmer's ear.

I felt the love.

Just a thought in my head at this moment:  It's not always about you.  Sometimes, you need to open your heart, listen and ask the questions people are normally afraid of asking. I went for a jog on the treadmill at the health club which ended up being a walk.  I know plenty of people at the club since I've been an employee for almost 7 years, I often talk to the members.  I've learned a lot about their lives.
Yesterday, I noticed "Jack," on the spin bike.  I know his tough story and it is truly heart breaking.  I stopped to see how he was doing, and he was happy that his diabetic damaged foot is finally healing. Its taken months and lots of surgeries.  I asked about his wife and how she was feeling these days.  He was so excited to make a Rolling Stone birthday cake for her birthday on April 1st.  She will be 57 this year, and has dementia.  She was diagnosed a few years ago with early onset dementia and the disease has rapidly progressed.  I told him I was impressed of his strength and this is when he opened up. I just listened and kept asking the questions he wanted me to ask.  They have "baby" proofed the house, she has an obsession with trash, and also has an oral fixation.  She doesn't remember any of her friends but she still is able to go to the gym classes she loved so much but she doesn't follow the instructions but it gives him a chance to be alone.  She occupies her time with children's coloring books and is attached at the hip to Jack when she is not coloring.  She needs to mimic everything he does during the day so he needs to hide his medications and his diabetic needles. He told me he goes through all the emotions and misses his wife terribly. I told him I still believe that he is a strong man and she is very lucky to have him who loves her so much.   I did not say I would pray for him or his family.

Having an autoimmune disease, it has taught me not to be afraid of asking questions.  It has taught me to listen.   Why are people so afraid?  I guess they don't want to get involved.  I wonder why?

That mouse and my smile.

Okay, Mr. Mouse, toy with me.  I'm hard at work, and you decide to walk back and forth above my head on the other side of the drop ceiling.  I hear that tiny laughter of joy knowing that at any minute I'm going to leave my desk, go to lunch or go home for the day.  It seems when I turn up my music, your walk gets faster.  Perhaps you are dancing to the beat or you know when the music stops, you can come down from the ceiling.  

Your days are numbered, Mr. Mouse.  You ate my gluten-free granola and then washed it down with my tea.  You decided to be polite and leave presents in the box so I wouldn't notice all my granola missing.  I'm smarter than that, Mr. Mouse.  Granola does not look black, so HA!

This is a fight to the death.  I will probably lose by falling through the drop ceiling while you mock me.  I might hit my head against the underside of my desk while chasing you, however, I will not quit until I catch  you.  What is my plan after I catch you, you may ask?  As angry as I am, I will shake my finger at you, yell at you, and take you outside where you belong.  All I ask, do not eat my food and do not return to the place you call home.

My life is not Lupus.  Sometimes, I think about things like the above.  Or, the time, I tried to steal a hair pin shaped as a spider but caught in the cotton webbing instead.  My laughter at that moment was so real, that my stomach hurt.  The mouse makes me laugh at work.  Spending time with friends and family makes me smile, and sometimes, spending time alone, writing can make me smile, even laugh at myself.  Who ever thinks about mice, granola, and getting caught up in fake cobwebs. 

Sitting under the Big Oak Tree

Life isn't always easy.  There are times when "things" in general are impossible, and you don't know how to get past these problems.  When I can't handle reality anymore, I stop.  I need a day to recover,  sit under a big tree,  listen to the birds chirping, and watch the puffy clouds float away.  I often write down my feelings, and when I'm done, I'm at peace with myself and the world.  I also try to remember when I was on vacation with my hubby in Jamaica. We were on a cruise to the islands.

One of the stops was Jamaica.  At the time, I thought I was strong, and I had Hal with me, so what could go wrong? We decided to ocean kayak to the falls.  Had I known how much strength you needed, I might have considered twice about the kayak part of the trip.  I am so stubborn and determined, we got into the kayak, and started rowing our way to the falls.  I could see the falls from the kayak, and it didn't seem that far away.  I was mistaken, it was a few nautical miles which isn't far in a boat with an engine.  Half way, I turned to Hal, and I had given up and  I don't give up without a fight.  The tour guide in the motorized boat, threw us the line, told us to hold on for dear life  and the tip of the kayak was up in the air.  At times, I didn't know if we were still touching the water.  We hit land within minutes but the thrill lasted what seemed a lifetime.  I told the tour director, I'm so sorry, I just got so tired and I  am embarrassed that the rest of the tourists made it to shore.  He turned to me, and said, "there are no problems in Jamaica,  just situations and with situations, there are always solutions."

So, when my life gets complicated, I need to remember, when work, friends, family, or myself makes life difficult, just remember that man in Jamaica telling me about situations and there are always solutions to situations.

Pushing forward

People ask me why I have a goal of bench pressing 150 Lbs. It's usually said with a sarcastic tone, and they might think I'm crazy.  I'm not doing this for them.  The truth is I have set this goal for myself to prove a point. I was an avid health club member, always running, walking, kickboxing or spinning. I always had motivation to move and to lose weight. A battle I'm still fighting to this day. Out of the blue, I got sick. At times, my eyes wouldn't focus. I lost my balance, pain in my joints and nerve damage. For a while, I poured salt in my wounds, and cried why me. I had to learn to mourn the loss of certain things in my life.


Over a year later, I have learned to get angry and not feel sorry for myself.  I have my moments of sadness but its more anger. For instance, I can no longer go out in the sun without getting sick. Now, I wear hats, and my hubby thinks it’s cute.  I can't always work out like I used too.  My joints ache at times, but I have learned to alter my workout and my daily schedule. 


I saw a petition the other day that reminded me I am a fighter. Some people believe your life is over with Lupus or any other disease. I work with a woman who has stage 4 cancer and she goes to work, goes to her kid's afterschool activities and helps her husband in his career. She is the ultimate fighter.  Volunteering for Lupus has made me realize there are many fighters. Fighters who work and have productive lifes. This is why I push myself to have goals. I want to lift 150 lbs. I used to think I want to do this in a few weeks. However, this is not going to happen since my body won't allow me but that's okay.  I can accept the fact my goal now will take 6 months or maybe a year. I don't care; the only thing I care about is completing my goal and pushing forward.  I want to prove to myself that I am strong on the outside and the inside. Lupus sucks but allowing it to control my life sucks even more.

Fight. Don't give in. 

Goodbye to my best buddy.

Today I had to do something that wasn't fun.  I couldn't find anything positive in putting my 4 legged friend to sleep today.  I know it was for his benefit, but the selfish side of me wanted him to stay for a bit longer.  Dogs don't complain or talk back.  You could leave the house for less than 5 minutes and get a reaction of being gone for years.  I have told my dogs my deepest secrets and they will never tell a soul.  They keep my feet warm without complaining.  When I was sick, they stayed by my side and didn't judge me.  The only thing they ever asked for was food, water, love, and attention. 

I hope Murphy is playing and happy.  I will miss you.

Happy Thanksgiving

I want to wish my family and friends a blessed Thanksgiving.  Enjoy the time with your family and friends.  It is a blessing to be surrounded by love.  

I am thankful for my husband and my friends.  I'm grateful to be wake up every morning and able to see the sun, rain and the snow.   

  The holiday season is not a competition of what material items you get under the tree.  It's about love, respect, and giving to others.  If you have the time, and the means, please give back.  Spend an hour or two in a soup kitchen, help a neighbor, or make a donation of any amount to a worthy charity. 

I've included in this blog some of the charities that are close to my heart: 

MANNA - Improving Health. Delivering Nourishment.

Lupus Foundation of America

American Red Cross blood donations

Birthday

Happy Birthday Dad!  May you have Cuban cigars, and the New York Times with you at all times.  I hope you are happy.  You loved parades, especially the Philadelphia Mummers. 

Whisper

The one thing I hate the most is people whispering, especially at work.  If you have a problem, please go directly to that person.  I have one co-worker who hasn't talked to me in weeks. 

I am not upset that she is not talking to me, however, going to someone else to talk about me is unacceptable.  If you need to fight with me, I will take it outside if she needs to get aggressive.  I don't appreciate when you need to find someone to side with you to make you feel right about yourself.  We are not in kindergarden.  You need to have respect for yourself and others.  It is considered social aggression.

Where are my notes?

This morning I had a chuckle.  I reached into my coat pocket and there were sticky notes crumbled up.  I guess I don't need them anymore. I find notes everywhere.  I have notes to remind me of my notes.  I have 6 apps to remind me to look at my sticky notes.  I have a ring tone on my phone to remind me to take my pills in the afternoon. 

Picture by HSE Photography

What do I need?  I need my brain to stop and smell the sea air for awhile.  It's happening in 10 days or less.  I'm going on a mental vacation for a week.  I want to relax, not worry about work, family, pets, or friends.  I've got my bathing suit, my suntan lotion, and flip flops...what else do I need?  My hubby.

Wonder Woman

I would love to be Wonder Woman. She is the warrior princess of the Amazons.She uses her Lasso of Truth, which forces those bound by it to tell the truth, a pair of indestructible bracelets, a tiara which serves as a projectile, and, in some stories, an invisible airplane.   

I am not a cartoon character, nor a super hero.  I can't always be strong.  I sometimes have to rely on other people to be strong for me.  I have a tendency to be stubborn and on occasion, I need to be smacked in the head.  Maybe I need one of those indestructible bracelets to hit me between the eyes.  I want to be able to do everything and not be told no. 

Clubbing

I work part time at a health club, very part time.  I've worked on Friday nights for about 4 years now.  I've seen it all, and at times, I want to poke my eyes out. 

Men using a hair dryer to dry parts of their body that makes me want to go blind.   A woman who dances naked through the club after hours who then accuses management of locking her in the club.  Advertisements on Craigs list which makes me sick.  Apparently, the health club is a dating scene in the men's locker rooms. 

Then there is Mr. Know-It-All.  I call him Mr. Lamborghini.  I'm not sure what he does for a living but he owns a yellow Lamborghini.  I've had several fights with this guy.  He never wants to leave the club on time.  If he has so much money, why my club?  Can't he go somewhere else and drive them crazy? 

My conversation with a customer

I am the sales administrator for a gas analyzer company.  On a daily basis, I talk to people around the country and the world.  I always find people interesting, fascinating and I always learn something new about a different culture.  Yesterday, I had one phone call was the best and the most disturbing to say the least.  Remember, this is a business call and I often have to make small talk.

The guy on the phone, called me a Yankee.  He told me that anyone above Austin TX is a Yankee.  Then he asked me if I ever visited Austin.  I said, "No, but I would love to someday."   His reply was, " Don't ever go to Austin, they have gay streets and homosexual people there."  I didn't know what to say, and I just changed the conversation to the weather. 

Is it just me that brings out the crazy people? How do I react to something I find offensive?  Do I ignore it?  It was a sales call, so yes, I ignored the statement but it ended up here!
   

Virtual reality

Virtual reality, is that an oxymoron? How is it real life? 

It seems like an addiction for me.  I've been trying to ween myself off of the world of computers.  I've removed "friends" from Facebook to help me live my life.  Read a book, walk or spend some time with Hal and the pups.  I need to get back to reality.

The walk is done.  Hal did a great job walking and taking pictures.    It was hard work, but I'm pleased that Team Edelson raised $1200.00. 

I'm glad the fund raising is over.  I can now just go back to being me.  Yes, I have Lupus but I don't have to talk about it.  I don't have to tell my story over and over again to get people to understand this disease.  I can have the problems of Lupus and not have to explain myself.  I'm just sore from working out, just tired from partying all night, or I just have really bad vision.  I know some people would disagree with this way of thinking.  Is that so terrible?

My medications

I was thinking that the medications I take to keep the Lupus at bay is interesting.  For instance,according to my prescription bottle,Gabapentin,  for my neuropathy is used for treating seizures associated with epilepsy.  It may also be used for the shingles infection.  I also take Mycophenlat, which prevents organ rejection following kidney, liver or heart transplants.  None of my scripts contain the words "also used for Lupus."  I do not have seizures but it kills my nerve pain.  I did not have an organ transplant nor do I have any major organ involvement with Lupus.  However, I just recently had to increase the Mycophenolat due to a two week crappy feeling.  I guess what I'm trying to say, I'm glad these drugs are available even though they need to be re-labeled :)

This is on my mind, since the walk is this Sunday.  I hope the Tri-State Lupus Foundation reaches their goal.  www.lupusloop.org/teamedelson

Today is good.

 What an awesome feeling to be pain free first thing in morning.  It makes the day seem like a breeze.  There is nothing I can't conquer today.  I fell asleep sitting up watching TV, with my Kindle in my hand and the dog at my feet.  She must of known to keep my feet warm or she just liked being on the sofa.  I even lost 3 lbs.   Maybe I will win the biggest Loser contest after all...

Hope is like a bird that senses the dawn and carefully starts to sing while its still dark. -Anonymous.

  I love to hear the birds sing but could they wait an hour?

Puffy clouds

I know I'm a dork, a geek, or whatever its called these days.  I can't help looking outside my very dirty windows at work.  Beyond those windows, is a beautiful sky.  The clouds are puffy like cotton balls, and so white and skimming the sky.  It's so peaceful.  I can imagine myself hanging out on one of those clouds, a book in one hand, and one of those fancy umbrella drinks in the other. 

The picture in this blog is to remember what life is really about. It's called positive noticing.  I try to store these moments in my head when things are not right in the world.  Puffy clouds make me smile, keep me focused on what is real in this world.  This picture was taken after a storm, and the sun was peaking out of the clouds.  It was how I felt that day....