Learning to be Thankful

I'm learning to be thankful again.  Its not easy to re-learn this skill.  I've been pissed off at the world and feeling a bit selfish.  So, I'm writing on what I'm thankful and blessed for.  It's a work in progress.  I will have more later.

I'm truly blessed to have Hal in my life.  I know I can tell him not to worry, but he will.  I know he trys to understand but its not easy.  I wake up every morning at 2 AM, but he doesn't seem to complain.  Stupid drugs.  I'm looking forward to a life without these drugs and doctors..it has to be soon. 

I'm thankful for my true friends and my family,

I'm thankful for the promise I made to myself last week that I will not make Lupus define me.  It can be difficult since the pain reminds me on a daily basis.  If someone now asks me how I'm doing, I'm okay, good or great.  It may not be the truth, but it makes my life and their life easier.

I'm lucky to have a doctor who calls me on a regular basis just to see how I'm doing.  She can't help me with my Lupus, but she listens to the problems I'm having.  She also gathers all the information from all my doctors, just in case its needed at some point.

I'm happy and thankful I was able to run a mile last week.  It made me feel awesome and normal.  I paid the price later, but it didn't matter.  I did it!

Gossip.

Why does "John Doe" (name protected to protect me), insist on advertising that I have Lupus.  I've stopped talking about it so why can't they stop?

Okay Lupus..you can go away now...

What seems nasty, painful, evil can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. (Henry Miller)

I have a new medication to add to my list.  I'm up to 14 pills a day and will be up to 18 in 2 weeks.   I seem to have a problem with my nerve endings all over my body.  Its like someone taking a needle, very quickly, and jabbing me.  The pain only lasts for a few seconds, but it seems this is happening more and more frequently.  I haven't seen the doctor yet but spoke to him over the phone.  He thinks it may be nerve damage.

I am trying to stay positive, and thinking I can get through this challenge too..It's not easy, I will not lie to myself.  One day at a time.  If that doesn't work, 1 hour at a time.

Tomorrow, I'm walking in the Susan G. Komen Race for the cure.  I had originally signed up to run it, but walking is okay too.  I'm looking forward to it.  It's supposed to be a beautiful sunny day.

The Survivors!  Awesome and Inspiring!

Compassion

My husband told me when this all started, it was for a reason.  I couldn't imagine how it was possible.  I didn't understand why it happened to me.  I think I'm a good person with a good heart.  I try to be polite, and considerate of others.  I've never been sick besides a cold or the occasional...oh, maybe I shouldn't of eaten that...

Now that I've had time to think and digest all of this, I'm starting to see something change in me.  I've truly become more compassionate.  When someone tells me their problems, I listen.  I truly listen and it touches my heart. Yes, I listened before, but it's not the same.  I understand.  

I may have lost part of my vision, but I gained a lot more insight.

Thank you to my wonderful husband who told me it was for a reason.  I love you.  Looking forward to the next 20+ years with you.  Happy early Anniversary.

Temper Tantrum.. I wants...

Sorry, I'm in a very cranky mood..It won't last long but I had to write how I'm feeling at this moment.

I want one good night of sleep. 
I want my vision back.
I want to stop feeling tired.
I want to stop taking the medications.
I want to stop going to the doctors.
I want to stop the doctors from sugar coating.
I want to stop shaking.
I want my life back from 3 months ago.